The woman doing my nails said the last person did a terrible job and I should start coming to her instead.

I guess she doesn’t remember me.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 8, 2022

My fashion decisions have gone from “Is it cute?” to “Is it comfy?” to “Did anybody see me wear this yesterday?”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 10, 2022

My husband changed his brand of boxers for the first time in 35 years. I feel like I'm having an affair.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) November 6, 2022

Welcome to parenthood. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 9, 2022

Parenting is lecturing your kids about the importance of a good night’s sleep, then staying up all night.

— Mike (@Parentpains) November 9, 2022

I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 9, 2022

Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) November 8, 2022

before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 8, 2022

My kid wouldn’t stop talking so I slowly pulled my head into my hoodie and tied it closed and her confused silence bought me 3 minutes of quiet. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

— Marissa 💚🦃💛 (@michimama75) November 8, 2022

Kids should come with a “skip intro” button for their stories

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 8, 2022