13 Hilarious Parenting Tweets to Kick Off Your Week
Helpful literary criticism from my 6th grader: “If there’s a dog on the cover and the book has won an award, I won’t read it, because the dog definitely dies.”— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) March 18, 2023
Family vacation is 80% waiting in line, 70% getting annoyed at your family, 200% spending more money than you wanted to, 50% failed attempts at taking cute photos of your kids, and 10% enjoying the activities.— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) April 6, 2023
The math checks out trust me.
Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have....— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023
My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!
Me, now whispering: ...your leggings on inside out, but please... go live your life.
I called the family for dinner and no one came so I ate a hot meal in absolute peace omg you guys food actually tastes like stuff— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 3, 2023
Told my 2yo we could do something just me and him this afternoon and asked what he wanted to do and he said "Can I have a meltdown?" Honestly, sure, this advanced warning is great for planning purposes, and appreciate it.— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 5, 2023
I don’t have a favorite child but if you were to go by the photos on my phone it’s the dog.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 26, 2023
My 3-year-old has requested Cheerios in the mermaid bowl. We do not own a mermaid bowl, nor have we ever owned a mermaid bowl. I look forward to her reasonable response.— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) March 29, 2023
Got a call from my son’s preschool today. I had to go pick him up early because he *checks notes* gave himself a headache dancing too hard in music class.— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 28, 2023
overheard 13 bragging to his friend that he's an adult now and he can download and do whatever he wants on his phone and his parents can't do anything about it. So i went on my phone into our family app and locked him out of his cell phone. try me again bruh.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 29, 2023
My wife banned iPads from my kids so my sweet angels stood in the hallway where they thought I couldn’t hear and whispered “Let’s ask dad because he always let us and then we can blame him when mommy asks”.— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 13, 2023
Was driving the other day and heard my daughter whisper “mom he’s staring at you” so, very alarmed, I looked at the car next to me.— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 14, 2023
It was a dog. A dog was staring at me.
My 1YO hit my 5YO with his toy so she got upset and asked me if we can return him to the hospital and pick up a "nicer kid".— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 10, 2023
Raising kids means saving them from drowning, choking and other forms of certain death so one day they can look at you with a straight face and ask, “Why don’t you just let me live my life?!”— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 22, 2023