The key to a successful marriage is letting things go. I've started with myself.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 16, 2025

I’m not a marriage counselor or anything but have you tried taking her to Starbucks and then Home Goods to look at the fall decorations?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 1, 2023

My marriage is so much better now that I use ChatGPT to reply to all my wife's texts.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) August 4, 2025

Every marriage has two types of people: one who wants to get rid of all the clutter & one who has emotional attachments to every cable bought since 1997.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 4, 2025

Marriage tip: If your wife says it’s ok for you to go out on a guys night while she stays with the kids, bring back something juicy for her to enjoy and feast on, like gossip.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 12, 2024

Dating: happy one month anniversary! I’m so happy and love you so much!!!

Marriage: oh 18 years? Was that yesterday? Wow. Can you pick up some asparagus on the way home?

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 11, 2021

My husband fell asleep without his CPAP mask on and he’s just happily snoring away like a hibernating bear and I am so torn. Let him sleep and forgo sleep myself or wake him to put the mask on? Marriage is hard.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 25, 2022

One person in a marriage gets to the airport extra early and the other gets in the shower two hours before his flight leaves and gives me–I mean the first person– anxiety

— meghan (@deloisivete) September 4, 2025

Marriage is spending years walking around your house muttering, “that wouldn’t have happened if I lived by myself”

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 28, 2023

After almost 13 years of marriage, the hubby and I keep the romance alive by checking on each other's back pain.

— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) April 3, 2023

Waiting for my husband to leave on his run so I can crack open a pint of ice cream. Marriage is all about balance.

— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) February 26, 2024

The best marriage advice I can give is try to find someone who you don’t want to murder every time you hear them chew.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 13, 2023

We may not have reached all of our financial and life goals as a couple, but my wife of over 20 years and I completed a corn maze together without a single fight and had fun doing it so we’re just going to take that as our sign of a successful marriage.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 1, 2023

Marriage is 50% your wife being upset that you don't do enough chores and 50% of her yelling at you for ruining her shirt by doing the laundry.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 14, 2019

If you’re overly competitive about being more tired than someone else, marriage might be for you.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 3, 2025