.png)
.svg){kind=small}
It's my favorite time of the week! And by that I mean it's time to have a good laugh in just 280 characters or less. So, grab your reading glasses and get ready to dive into the world of witty one-liners because let's face it, life is just too short to take everything seriously! Here we go:
#1
Y’all my daughter just walked up to me kissed me and said “I love you so much, I will never forget you when you pass away”…………
— Envy💋 (@MoMelaninMoPrbz) March 28, 2024
Ok?.
#2
My ten year plan is basically to survive and hope for the best
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) March 26, 2024
#3
How I do anything:
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 26, 2024
3 days to psych myself up to it
30 min to do it
3 days to recover
#4
3-year-old is screaming “HELP” at the top of his lungs because I won’t let him go outside, in a blizzard, wearing just his unicorn pajamas. When I told him that might scare our neighbors, bc they’ll think something is really wrong, he started screaming “SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG”
— 🧃you or someone you love🧃 (@hannahmsays) March 23, 2024
#5
13yo apparently plays Wordle, Connections, and Tiles every day on his laptop. How? Does he subscribe to the Times? He leads a whole secret old man life that I don’t know about
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 24, 2024
#6
No one warned me about the secret boss level of parenting in which you have to parent your own parents
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 24, 2024
#7
Kids math word-problems should be more realistic like:
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 28, 2024
Your car is worth $3000 on a trade-in but you still owe $3700 on it. Then your “check engine” light comes on and the service department says you need a $4600 transmission.
Question: How many towels should you throw in?
#8
Welcome to your 40s. This is bullshit.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 29, 2024
#9
I’m one of those people who if you call me on the phone instead of text, I answer the phone “What’s wrong?“
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 29, 2024
#10
Oh, you’re watching a new show? No thank you. I’ll just re-watch one of the 4 that I already like.
— Jennifer Killa Dilla (@HauntedJennifer) March 27, 2024
#11
When my teachers said I should pay attention because I’d need to know this stuff for the future, I didn’t realize they meant when my kids were in school and I had to do it all over again
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 28, 2024
#12
I hope this middle finger finds you well.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 28, 2024
#13
Sometimes I look things up on webMD because I like to play this fun little game called Am I Dying.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) March 27, 2024
#14
Anyone else think making plans to go out doesn't sound that bad until you actually have to do it?
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) March 26, 2024
#15
It's almost time to stop complaining about the cold weather and start complaining about the hot weather.
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) March 29, 2024
#16
Taking tomorrow off, so if you need me, I'll be in a deep meditative state at Target
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 27, 2024
#17
I would fight a tiger to protect my kids but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna fold their socks. That’s motherhood.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 26, 2024
#18
I absentmindedly sang “It’s me, hi” and my 4yo chimed in “I’m the problem, it’s me” so my work here is done.
— Parenting Presently (The Mom Hack) (@presentparent_) March 22, 2024
#19
Brooke Shields is on the cover of AARP Magazine and I'm gonna need a minute.
— He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! (@SchmuckOnAHorse) March 27, 2024
