The sun is beating down, your shirt’s drenched in SPF 50 and all you wanted was a rotisserie chicken and maybe 48 rolls of toilet paper. But as you enter Costco, you’re greeted by the unmistakable twinkle of holiday lights and the watchful eye of a 6-foot LED nutcracker.

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Yes, Costco has done it again. Christmas has officially arrived… in July.

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“It’s Not Too Early If You Never Took Down Last Year’s Tree”

Why now, you ask? Because according to Costco’s retail logic:

“If the reindeer show up in August, we’ll be ready.”

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Christmas decorations began sneaking onto shelves by mid-July, right next to school supplies and a suspiciously large vat of hummus.

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The Seasonal Mashup We Didn’t Know We Needed

Costco’s current decor lineup includes:

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• A 7.5-foot pre-lit artificial tree with 4,000 customizable light settings
• Candy cane yard stakes that may or may not survive your 100-degree driveway
• Tree skirts fancier than your living room rug
• Life-size Santas that will definitely give your toddler nightmares if left near the garage

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Bonus points for the singing nutcrackers, who have the range and the Bluetooth.

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One Aisle Over: Summer Sausage and Existential Crisis

Somewhere between the beach umbrellas and seasonal cheeses, the mental dissonance sets in. Do I buy an Advent calendar… or pool noodles? Will I need wrapping paper… or bug spray?

In this aisle, Christmas and summer collide and the only rule is: You’re never just here for one thing anyway.

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Customers Are… Confused but Committed

Shoppers’ reactions range from:

• “Smart! I’m getting my shopping done early!”
• “Is it December already?”
• And my personal favorite: “Wait… did we time-travel?”

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Still, carts are rolling out with snowman figurines, holiday gift wrap and a 24-pack of apple cider that seems suspiciously premature. Welcome to the holiday fever dream that is Costco in July.

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Final Thoughts: Just Roll With It

At this point, we may as well lean in. Costco has spoken: The holidays are whenever they say they are. So throw on your sandals, crank up some Mariah Carey, and enjoy that festive cheer—sweat and all.

Because when life gives you July, make it jingle.

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